New research sheds light on the motivations that lead individuals to pursue polyamory, the practice of engaging in multiple romantic, sexual, and/or intimate relationships with the consent of all parties involved. The study reveals that individuals in polyamorous relationships are often driven by desires for deeper emotional connections, autonomy in their personal lives, and a fulfillment of needs that may not be met in monogamous arrangements. The new findings have been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Consensual non-monogamy refers to any relationship arrangement in which all participants explicitly agree to have more than one romantic or sexual partner. This encompasses a variety of relationship styles, including but not limited to polyamory, open relationships, and swinging.
Polyamory, a subset of consensual non-monogamy, specifically emphasizes the pursuit of multiple romantic and intimate relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Relationships within polyamory can vary widely, including but not limited to hierarchical structures (where some relationships are given priority over others) and non-hierarchical structures (where no single relationship holds precedence).
The aim of this recent investigation was to better understand the reasons why people choose polyamory. By focusing on polyamory separately from other forms of consensual non-monogamy, the researchers hoped to provide nuanced insights that could aid clinicians in supporting clients in polyamorous relationships, especially those facing stress related to their relationship style.
“In addition to working as psychology faculty at Ball State, I am a licensed psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT),” explained study author Alexander K. Tatum, an assistant professor of psychology.
“Over the last several years of my practice I’ve noticed an emerging trend of individuals and couples presenting to therapy with a desire to explore ethical, consensual polyamorous relationships. As a researcher, my natural inclination is to turn to the empirical literature to better understand why. However, I didn’t find a satisfying answer to this question so I decided to conduct my own study to understand people’s motivations for initial engagement with polyamory.”
The study recruited participants through the “r/polyamory” forum on Reddit, tapping into a community actively engaged in discussions about polyamorous experiences. Eligibility criteria required participants to be at least 18 years old, reside in the United States, and have current or former involvement in a consensually polyamorous relationship. The final sample consisted of 63 participants.
Data were collected via an online survey hosted on Qualtrics, which included open-ended questions designed to elicit detailed responses about participants’ motivations for engaging in polyamory. Participants also provided demographic information, such as age, gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, and household income.
After conducting an analysis of the responses, the researchers identified four main themes: values alignment, relationship factors, external stimuli, and sexuality.
A significant number of participants identified their attraction to polyamory as stemming from a deep alignment with their personal values and beliefs about relationships. This theme is subdivided into subthemes including a philosophical approach to relationships that emphasizes authenticity, a conscious rejection of societal norms favoring monogamy, and a transition from other forms of consensual non-monogamy to polyamory as individuals’ relationship needs evolved.
Participants described polyamory as more congruent with their ideals of honesty, openness, and the ability to form meaningful connections with more than one person. This alignment with core values facilitated a sense of living authentically and fully, allowing individuals to express love and affection in ways that felt natural and fulfilling to them.
The second theme revolves around the dynamics within existing relationships that led participants to explore polyamory. Some individuals turned to polyamory to address dissatisfaction within monogamous relationships, seeking to fulfill unmet emotional, intellectual, or sexual needs. Others were introduced to polyamory through their partners, who either expressed a desire to open the relationship or had already engaged in polyamorous relationships.
External stimuli, such as the development of feelings for someone outside the primary relationship or exposure to polyamory through media, friends, or community, constituted another pathway to polyamory. Participants recounted how encounters with polyamorous individuals or representations of polyamory challenged their preconceived notions of relationships and opened up new possibilities for love and connection.
The final theme, Sexuality, captures motivations related to sexual exploration, desire for diversity in sexual experiences, and managing discrepancies in sexual desires or interests within relationships. While not the sole motivator for engaging in polyamory, sexuality played a significant role for some participants. This theme encompasses a range of sexual motivations from seeking sexual variety, fulfilling specific sexual needs or fantasies, to exploring one’s sexual orientation more fully.
“There are many reasons why people may become curious about polyamory, and it’s important to avoid making broad-brush assumptions about why someone decides to explore polyamorous relationships,” Tatum told PsyPost. “Some common reasons that emerged from this study involved a desire to have more authentic relationships with partners that are not limited by arbitrary restrictions on affection, a desire to explore and challenge uncomfortable emotions (such as jealousy), or an organic evolution from other forms of consensual non-monogamy (such as open relationships or swinging).’
“Other people spoke about a pattern of general dissatisfaction in their monogamous relationships as their impetus for exploring polyamory, or a desire to support a partner who was curious about polyamory.”
The study offers valuable insights into the complexities of polyamorous relationships. But like all research, it comes with its set of limitations. The recruitment method might introduce self-selection bias, as individuals who choose to participate in such studies might have different experiences or views from those who do not. Participants who are willing to share their experiences on a public platform like Reddit may have more positive views of polyamory or may be more open about their relationship style, potentially skewing the data.
Nevertheless, the findings challenge misconceptions about polyamory, highlighting the diverse motivations behind this relationship style and its potential for fulfilling deep psychological needs related to autonomy and connectedness. By understanding these motivations, mental health professionals and researchers can better support polyamorous individuals.
“I want to emphasize there is no single ‘right’ reason for exploring polyamory,” Tatum added. “I believe that access to basic information is a human right and people deserve the freedom to make an informed decision for what suits them best. It may very well be that a monogamous relationship is the best fit for one person, but a polyamorous relationship is more suitable for a different person.”
“Connecting this back to my clinical practice, I’ve noticed that my patients tend to struggle with heightened anxiety and depressive symptoms when they attempt to conform to others’ expectations. In the spirit of promoting mental health and well-being, it is imperative to allow people the freedom to exercise self-determination.”
The study, “Initial Motivations for Engaging in Polyamorous Relationships,” was authored by Alexander K. Tatum, Sharon M. Flicker, Imara Peralta, and R. J. Kubicki.
